Dear Reader,

I am pleased to introduce to you a new feature on the blog. It’s called Lala’s Diaries . We are hoping it will become a regular feature on here. Do read after the jump and enjoy, share, tweet, facebook.

“I slapped her hard across the face three times and finished the beating with my Christian Dior heels. She left a few scratches on my body but not without me giving her a tattoo she’d forever remember. Foolish woman. I don’t know what her problem is. Even her husband would call me and thank me for the panel beating I gave his wife when he sees her this weekend”

I was spellbound by this gripping story and so were my other friends. She wasn’t being serious was she? She didn’t really pride herself with the ludicrous act she had just pulled off did she? My gaze still fixed on her, I grabbed the can of smirnoff ice in front of me and took a long gulp.

Before I continue the story, my name is Laitan Daniels. Friends mostly refer to me as Lala and by friends I mean my two best friends and this one who just shared an unbelievable experience with us. Her name is Dupe Akinsola. We all like to call her Duchess or rather, she likes when we call her Duchess. My two best friends are Chioma Okoro and Yetunde Badmus. Now that you have met us, let me update you on what just happened and save you the trouble of wondering what I’m on about.

Dupe Akinsola is in her twenties, like the rest of us. She’s 28 to be precise which makes her older than the rest of us. A plump, dark skinned but pretty woman, Dupe isn’t the type who is comfortable in her own skin. I don’t know if there’s a medical term for that (I don’t think I’d like to know either) but whatever it is that’s wrong with her seems to be chronic. She doesn’t appreciate herself and has tried every possible means to lose weight and by that I mean she’s gone to the most ridiculous extents to shed some pounds. She has tried frog jumping around her compound, she has swallowed pills that almost cost her life and the most ridiculous, she’s climbed trees. Her make up can scare a ghost, she applies it like she’s got an ultimatum to finish all her make up products within a few days. Also, she has zeroed her mind from men that are responsible, caring and good for her and has instead opened her heart/soul/body/legs to the irresponsible/uncaring and sometimes married men.

“Dupe, why would you even fight publicly with Mrs Obiora? That’s wrong” Yetunde said, disgust clearly written all over her.

“I must say I am not impressed Dupe” Chioma added but Dupe wasn’t having any of it

“Ahn ahn what are you guys saying? The woman came to my office to embarrass me! Is it my fault I gave her the beating of her stupid life?” Dupe retorted

“But you are shamelessly sleeping with her husband!” Yetunde replied “did you expect anything less? She lives three houses away from you and knows you are sleeping with her husband. What did you expect from her? A hug? Christmas hamper maybe?”

Dupe eyed Yetunde and angrily got up. She grabbed her purse and car keys and prepared to leave the restaurant.

This wasn’t the first time we were seeing this and we knew it wouldn’t be the last. The only difference was scenarios changed each time and of course the men. We knew the following week, we were most likely going to be at the same place discussing another woman who had confronted Dupe but she wasn’t going to learn.

“Since you people are playing holier than thou tonight. I would leave” she hissed and marched towards the exit. I sighed and shook my head in resignation. We weren’t playing holier than thou, in fact we weren’t holy at all, we were just tired, fed up of the things she constantly did wrong. If only she would stop. If only she would realise that there were boundaries. If only…

I turned my head sharply as I heard a loud sound, it felt like someone had been…slapped! Dupe had just been slapped hard across the face by another woman

“Oloriburuku oloshi. You think your toto is heaven abi? Ma pa e leni”

The three of us watched in utter shock as the other woman gave our friend the beating of her life. Was she the woman we heard of in the story or was she just another one of Dupe’s victims? One thing was sure though, Dupe was the one who was going to end up with tattoos after that encounter.